Conditioned Fear

March 7th, 2025 | 5:35PM

Dear Oshún,

I’m getting a pedicure without you.

The shop owner asked me over the phone if you were coming & when i walked in said “so where is Monkey” using my nickname for you.

I’m so grateful for this break, cuz you just went back with Dad after being with me for 14-15 straight days no breaks - while Dad was in the Philippines / Japan

I’m reading “The New Saints” by Lama Rod Owens & for whatever reason i began to think about how tragic It is that i must condition you to move in fear — that as a brown girl you always gotta be ready to survive, fight & be strong.

I think about how i would never feel comfortable not teaching you how to keep your head on a swivel.

If this is conditioning you for fear, I’d rather you be ready than aloof.

I think about what must have happened to me in such a compounded way that even when i am at ease I am tracking the whole perceivable world around us for danger. 

I hope all the precautions i take to keep us safe do not hinder the love you’re able to have, receive, give and experience. 

I love you Monkey girl and pray ultimate protection over you from yourself & others ALWAYS! 

Ase!